As I write this post today I am wondering why God has laid this on my heart to share with you. Maybe it’s a way for me not to forget or maybe it is to help someone else who may be feeling the same way. I am not sure, but here it goes.
So lately life had been hard for me. I know if may not seem that way from outward appearance, but sometimes it is easy to cover up and pretend that you are just fine. To me, my life has been a whirl wind of busy. I feel like I can’t even get my head above water to breath. On top of all that, how can you be a good mother and wife when you don’t even feel like you are a good person…you try to be, but you have so much going on that you don’t give a 100% to anything, you just contribute a little here and there. Not to mention the worries and stress that comes along with being a mother, a wife, owning your own home, owning a car that keeps breaking, trying to make ends meet and having a little extra just for fun. I feel stressed, lost, “who the heck am I,” and sad. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way, what right do I have when all in all things are good in my life. (Am I the only mother out there that has ever felt this way?) I just wanted someone to come and “fix” everything for me. I don’t want to worry anymore, I was looking for a human savior to just make everything all right. For someone to say, Sarah it is going to be okay and then they just “fix” it for me. For years I felt like I had that person, it was my Dad, Mom or Jason. They always took care of me. I never felt like the whole world was on my shoulders and for some reason now I do and no human being can take that from me and make me feel better. Not that my parents and Jason are not still here, they are and they are wonderful but no other human should have to take that burden from me and “fix” it…no person can.
I have been wondering around for days, weeks, trying to figure out what to do. I just didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I have prayed and prayed and prayed, but I had yet to hand it all over to God. Last night on my way home from my Bible study it just all hit me at once. I broke down, cried and prayed and finally poured my entire heart out to God. Just me and Him right there in my vehicle. I told him that I just could not take it anymore. I could not fix it on my own and no one else on this earth could either. I had to give it all to him. At that moment I felt a huge since of relief. Don’t you just love those moments? It’s when you know that He is right there with you, arms wrapped around you wipping you tears away and whispering it’s going to be okay.
Then last night as I lay in bed I kept thinking about this spider plant that my dearest and oldest friend Lauren Avery gave me for my 12 birthday. (And yes that is where Avery got her name.) I still have it and for years it flourished. It was big and beautiful and had little baby spider plants that I took and repotted for my friends. Throughout the years I would split it up to give it more room and repot it when necessary. Then I had this great idea that if I put two of them in one pot it would become even more bigger and beautiful than ever. So I planted the two together and it seem to quit growing. It never died, but it never got any bigger, it never had any more little baby spider plants. It just stayed small and limp. So the other day I decided it needed to be repotted. I took the two plants and put them in separate pots with new soil. Although it has only been a few days it is amazing the difference. They have both perked up and look more greener than they have in years. You see, the point of my spider plant story is that was me. I expected some other person here on earth to be planted next to me, to help me grow, fix me when I am down, heal me when I am sick, and to basically be my savior. (That is a lot to put on another human…looking back I really feel sorry for those that I depended on to be that person.) However, I need my own pot to have room to grow. And like my little spider plant who needs a little sunshine, water, and love, I too need that and it is beaming down on me from heaven above. My one and only Savoir is Jesus. There is no earthy human that can “fix” me like he can. I don’t need someone potted right beside me to come save me, I just need to put all my trust in the Lord and know that with his love I will grow, prosper, and everything will be okay. This is in no way shape or form meaning that I do not need Jason or my parents or whoever else is in my life…I do need them very much so, but I don’t need them to be my savior. I have the most precious Savior of all who is going to send his “sunlight” down on me and I will be fixed and I will grow. This crazy busy life I have will not seem so crazy. This morning when I woke up I could somehow breathe again! God is so good!
Isn’t it amazing how God can show us Himself through a simple little spider plant. He is always there, we just have to open our eyes to Him and trust in Him with all of our hearts.
Homemade Marshmallows {2018 update}
5 years ago
