Forgiveness

Why is forgiveness so hard to give?  Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?  Wouldn't life be so much simpler if forgiveness was easy?  Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we weren't so stubborn?  Forgiveness is something that I very much struggle with.  It's so easy for me to hold onto the things/words that have hurt me.  Sometimes it feels like I can remember every little thing anyone ever did that hurt my feelings.  Which makes me feel awful because if I feel that way, then anyone who's feelings I ever hurt probably feels that way too.  And honestly, I am fortunate, I don't have any huge, horrible thing in my life that happen to me....it's just the petty everyday type of thing that I am talking about.  Feelings getting hurt, people that are just plain hard to like, someone being mean, someone at work you don't jive with, etc.  When you think about it, it's hard to believe that even the little stuff is hard to forgive.  For me, the hardest people to to forgive are the ones that I am not extremely close too.  It's easy for me to forgive my children when they act out or my husband when we don't see eye to eye, but a person with a bad attitude, and acquaintance that said something rude to me 15 years ago, someone who never takes anyone's feeling into consideration is much more difficult for me.     

I promise I try to forgive.  I pray really hard about it.  I think I have handed it all over to God and I am good to go.  But somehow, I let that ugliness seep back in and before I know it I am bitter and holding that grudge all over.  And it is hard!  Hard to forgive when it feels like the person doesn't deserve it.  It's hard to forgive when they keep doing something to hurt your feelings.  It's hard to forgive when it feels like they have no remorse or don't even realize that they might be hurting you.  It's hard to forgive when you never get an apology. 

It's easy to get caught up in the if's, if they change, if they apology, if they make up for it somehow, then I could forgive.  That's what I kept doing...over and over again.  I would pray and ask God to help me forgive, but then I would expect them to change their behavior or apologize, all because I had forgiven them.  Well, guess who's behavior should change when you forgive someone...it's not theirs, it's yours.  My wise little sister once told me you can't expect to change a persons heart, but you can always change your heart.   And even after she told me that it still didn't hit home.  It made sense and I believed it, but I still couldn't seem to change my heart.  Then the other night I am diving home, listing to our local Christian Rock station, when a young lady started talking about how she had a very hard time giving forgiveness to a particular person she worked with.  This person had been mean and rude and was just pain hard to be around.  She was really struggling with it so she went to the Lord in prayer.  She prayed that she could love her co-worker like He loved her co-worker.  She said that this lady was a child of God's too and she asked Him to help show her how to love this woman even though she was unlovable.  WOW!    That was my moment....as she was talking I realized I have never looked at it from that point of view.  Those people that hurt my feelings or did things to make me mad are God's children too.  He loves them more than anything, despite what they do.  He loves me more than anything, despite all my faults.  They are not just some random person who is hurting me, they are God's child.  Tears rushed to my eyes and right then I prayed for God to show me how to love the unlovable.  It's amazing how now when I am having a moment and my feelings are getting hurt and I want to lash out, I hear this still, small whisper that says "Love them."  When I go to Him because I don't know what to say or do when my feeling are hurt, he say's again "Love them."  So that is what I am trying to do.  It's still not easy, but I can feel God working in my heart and showing me how to love the unlovable and showing me how to truly forgive.

Have you heard Matthew West's new song "Forgiveness" yet?  If not, you should go to YouTube and listen to it. It really hit home with me and right now the words to this song are what I need daily reminders about.  Here are the lyrics.  Maybe if forgiveness is something that you struggle with, this will speak to you as well.

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness